feelings.

i'm not feeling the very best right now.
and i don't know what triggered it..
thoughts just keep flowing followed by tears.
have you thought about who the right one
will be. and if he/she comes - will you know?
and what if you let him/her pass by?
is the one you're with the one for you?
will be after years of enduring, you say "that's
it! i've endured enough. you're not the one for me?"
it's not impossible.
and then, you see that you've wasted your time
on the wrong one.
so what do you expect in a relationship and
out of a relationship?
do expectations change in a relationship?
you expect you b/f to be ABCDEFG but he just
can't be that - so what do you do?
do you conclude that:

1. he's not the one i'm looking for. next.
2. we're simply incompatible, we just can't get along.
3. you try and accept him - swallow the unhappiness.

but what if u try and accept him - swallow the unhappiness,
and you in the end up being unhappy in the r/s, just to make
him happy.

let's say you communicate with him and tell him about it,
it'll be even more disappointing to not hear what you wish
he'd say. and even if he tries to change, will he be happy in
the end?

i just needed to blab. i'm unhappy, and i don't understand why.
what is it now?
i miss the "old" days sonia....
i miss all the fun we used to have.
all the "outings".
and i had nothing to think/worry/care about.
life now - isn't as great as it should.
i'm supposed to be feeling good and all -
but i don't. everything's routinal and mundane.
and i don't know why it's just different from before.
yes, i'm talking about life in general.
i'm bored of life. haa! bored of living! wahaha!
making such a statement just shows my state now.
i need some spice in my life.
i don't know what's pulling me down - but i need to
get out of this mesirable feeling.
sonia..... *help*
i need some fun in my life! haha!
even the song i'm listening to now makes me sad.
and it's not even a sad song!
mp3 playing: Guo Mei Mei - Lao Shu Ai Da Mi
i feel myself sinking. i have that unwanted "sinking"
feeling in my heart. and it's really not a good sign...
and i can't even trace the source of it.

oh my oh my.
it's saturday and i'm sitting in front of my laptop,
blogging.
just recovered from my headache.
hangover that is. drank quite a bit last night @ Devils.
was james birthday yest - me, jiajia, clarence and jack
went down. was pretty fun. never clubbed with
clarence and jia together b4. haha! july was there too!
quite fun ya. she got quite used to us after a while.
anyway, it was free entry + free drinks! haha!
and me and sijia got free devils member cards!
wahah!! all thanks to miss july!! hahah!
how great! we went there - had free entry + free
drinks + free member card! quite cool eh!
anyway, james had quite a lot to drink man!
he got wasted and was carried home - w/o
even saying goodbye! haha!
but oh well - he was wasted. so no worries. poor guy.
was forced by quite a few people to drink man!
so yesterday was the day.... sijia tried johnnie walker,
martell & hennesy. wahah!!
she finally tried them! good eh! at least for our project -
she won't be doing on something she never tried b4.
hahaha!!


anywayzz... did some roller blading last wednesday.
woohoooo!! even went down to Zouk @ night after blading.
shessh! was SUPER drained alright.
blading was good fun. havent blading in months!!
as usual - i'm a bit tensed. actually always tensed.
cos i hate to fall. (afraid of pain & bruises) so i try and
"make sure" that i don't fall - which usually ends up
the other way round. haha!! i TRY to let loose la,
but still abit hard. oh well - at least i didn't fall last weds la.
just needed abit of helping at the slopes and rough patches.
hahahah!!


































i like this collage. hee.
anywayzz...


anywayzz... work @ CEMS was quite fine. at least
me and jiajia are sitting near each other. haha!
and there was work to do - so i didn't fall asleep.
BUT... i fell asleep in class instead. shessh!!
ya la!! work nvr fall asleep.. class fall asleep.
1st half - sijia slept. 2nd half - i slept.
then after the break... me and sijia.... WENT OFF!!!
hahaha!! we went to eat rochor dou hua with joseph
after the break cos we couldn't tahan alrdy la! haha.
so on tuesday... me and sijia plan to buy alot of FOOD
to class!!!!
cos that's the only thing that kept us awake!!!!!!
FOOD!!! hahah!!
gonna bring....

1. jelly beans
2. crystal jade's char siew pau
3. "wang wang" biscuits"

and alot more i still can't think of. haha!! but whatever
it is - FOOD is of utmost I M P O R T A N C E!!!!!
hahaha!

well well, let's see if i have dinner to look forward
to .... or i'll be having supper later.. haha!
i wanna go to church tmr!!! woooo!!!
oh man... haven't bought my bible yet....
anyone wanna buy me a bible? haha!
mine got confiscated....
i want the precious moments series.. haa!
and i wanna eat crystal jade la mian + XLB
after church! hahah!
planning alrdy..... craving for it again......
when i just had it like on thurs... and today's
only.... sat. haa!

alrighty... ciao!

18th Aug.

ok - i'm DEAD BEAT.
but i'm still sitting here.
oh darn! whatever la.... haha!
i'm going to sleep soon...
and wake up like at..... 8AM!!!
urgh!!!
i'm officially gonna work @ CEMS
with sijia for like a mth - or probably so.
just afraid there'll be too much to study
for my tests and whatever - that i won't
have time to cope. shessh!!
SCARED!!!!
taking 400 for internship and i pay like...
more than 400 for one semester...
SO!!!! i better pass my papers with flying
colours maN!! i wanna see more distinctions man!!!
hahah!! really wish i could stay till the event man!
cos im sure it'll be interesting!!! woohooo!!
SFW man! hahaha!

anyway, met up with alot of OLD friends today! haha
more likepple i havent met in a long time.
first, it was jacqueline. me and sijia went to find her
@ country road and accompanied her for her smoke
break. haha! she's still funny la!! haha! same same!
then went to topshop.... and bumped into PAM!!!
hahah!!
so ciao! so good to see her man!
gossiped alot also... so much to catch up man!
haha! then for dinner - met up with miss erin loh!!!
haha!! finally man!!
she's back from aussie for good!!! great!!!
good catching up with her today too.. haha!

so today... was a busy and eventful day. was out since like....
10AM man! shessh!
talk about tired... and the day b4 i headed down to zouk
and slept 4am!! TIRED!!!!!

ok.. im going to go zZzZzZzz now man!!
nitey nite!

time check ---> 0851hrs.

yes yes, it's early in the morning!!!!!
just got back* not long ago.
*sigh* and now, i don't noe if i shld sleep
or eat.... *sigh*
what if i sleep and not wake up later?
what if i don't sleep and end up sleeping in
class?? LOL.

anywayz.... i was doing room keeping the
whole of yesterday!!!
i cleaned my whole room... i moved my stuff
ard the room and i threw away alot of stuff!
haha! yes!! i threw away 2 FULL IKEA plastic bags
of stuff and my big doggie.... *sob*
cos it's very dirty alrdy... and it cannot be washed.
haa!
my table's now very empty.... compared to before...
really quite empty. i boxed all my stationary and
miscs all in those small boxes i bought in IKEA.
the right side of my table is still in a question mark
la. think i'm just gonna like leave it that way....
cos the wires are in a mess.... haa!

1. my speakers
2. hp charger
3. my broadband line (wireless still can't work)
4. camera charger table lamp

yea.... so all the wires are lined but clumped together.
haha!!
i wanna get one of those...... u know...
those white ermm... casing...
i don't know the exact word.... but it's supposed to be a
casing for wires. hides the ugly messy wires!!!
just what i need... haha!

alright. it's now 915. think i should just go drink
my MILO and watch TV and rest... hee.
ciaos!

14th aug.
430AM

and yes, it's in the AM again.... wee hours of the
day again. yest at this time i was just packing up
from a game of cards - and today, i just finished
showering.

went down to IKEA today. went down too late to
catch my SWEDISH MEATBALLS!!!!
darn. no meatballs for me today.
nvm, sijia said we'll go down for meatballs one day.
hahaha!! yeay!! miss em'!
yea... anyway, bought lotsa stuff and of course, that
equates to overspending!!! bought lotsa small small
stuff and i ended spending a 100 la! sheesh!!
what the heck did i buy!!! r u b b i s h....
hahaha!!
hopefully if i wake up early tmr - i'll do a mini
room make-over. haa!
so eggcited!! hahah!!!
need to clean up my room badly man! i think it's
in a terrible state. sooo messy!!
cos of all the files i brought from school having
no where to place them!! plus the new textbooks la!
all piling on my scanner. haa! my redundant scanner!!

then after buying bags and bags, we went down to
holland village. went to essential brew to try their drinks.
maybe ask sijia to go eat down at HV one day... hee!!
she and sonia - my only try food khaki. heh.
cos it seems only they wld "pay" for food. get me??
haha! oh whatever.

anyway, does it work this way??
what ur friends want - you want it too?
i think the society around us and the people ard us help
create and mould expectations and perceptions.
why do u think this way? of course some has said
something to you to have proved this and that and
something has triggered your judgement.
you wouldn't do something because of no reason right.
and i think - as you go by in life - after experience and
what so ever, you'll know what to expect out of something/
someone. not exactly know, but understand more
of your expectations. like when u're younger - u just expect
normal relationships. not much expectations.
when u mature and your envirionment changes -
you see things and you'll know what you want.
and to me, that's how it works.
you wouldn't really care if ur bf was a a rebel of
whatever when u're younger in ur teens - but
things change when you change. your expectations, needs
and wants change.
i just feel that friends just help influence your thoughts.
in many occassions - i don't see myself literally following whatever
my friends tell me to do.... if not i won't have suffered right in
whatever r/s i had right.... heh.
hmmm.... oh well.
that's that.

i'm still thinking if i should get 2 birks. i think i really
am getting 2 birks. haa! irritating mun.
say the pair i wanted in the train - just in a diff colour.
and in the train.. i saw this cute baby!!!
hahah!
she was in red and she had a rainbow hairband on
her head!! but she has no hair la... haha!!
















she's soooo small and cute!! hahah!!
like my piglet!! wahahah!!
i wanna squeeze her man! heeeeee!!!

alrighty... it's now 5Am already man!
think i better sleep soon or i won't get to do
my 'mini room makeover'
hahaha!!
goodnighty!!