some FRIENDS, just SUCK.
and you call them friends.
thinking they're so nice to help advice,
telling u that they'll be there for you.
no matter what.
WHAT CRAP!
learn what friendship needs.
learn what it's made of.
don't tell me to think about it -
when you are the one in need of thinking.
reflect what you said to me - on yourself.
and if you still can't see it,
pray that God will help open your eyes.
how did i meet someone so selfish.
i was blind. always am blind.

thoughts...

it haunts you.
the picture you hold in your heart.
the picture you wish to see.
and the picture you saw.

and it hits you.
have you been living a lie.
in total repudiation.
shutting you from what is real.

so who do you trust?
and who do you know is real?
it's when you think you know someone,
that they end up failing your trust.

it's so fragile.
so weak.
and once broken,
lost.

you can never know someone too well,
and you can't trust someone too much.
appearances deceive. lie. dupe. swindle.
a weak heart is one, you can't be with.

searching.

is there any way i can search for the answers,
the answers i long for inside.
but what are the questions that i ask of you,
and what do i really wanna know.

in anger i speak,
in anger i think.
and in anger that i wish you'll go away.

but in tears i wish,
you'd come behind,
and tell me things will be ok.

so what are questions that i ask,
and what are the answers that i seek.
was it lust or love?
was it real or a reverie?
and was it me, or was it you?

mp3 spinning : belinda carlisle - summer rain
17th sept 2005

whao!!! am back man! finally! hee.
it's 430am and im not tired... hee.
i feel free after going out today and
letting my hair down man!! SHIOK!
emancipation!!!
haa!
i'm so happy! i saw josh after so long!!!
hahaha! and also ivan!! oh man!!
yea... ivan came down to meet me just to
pass me medicine for my ulcer. haha!
he said it's very effective.
think i should rub some on b4 i sleep....
haa! gd to know that at least some guys
bother.. haa!
then, it was good meeting josh today.
after a long time man! haa!
and he says i never ask him out???
hmmm......
hahaha!
he shaved abit of his hair la!! aiyooo!!
reservist did that to him!!
gave him a big long hug before he left.
think thats gonna make up for like the many
months to come b4 i see him again la!!!
sad. haa!

anywayz... the weekend is here!
gotta do projects - gotta meet people -
gotta study for test!!!! shittttyyy!!
time?? time?
something just took up the whole of my today -
and it isn't worth talking about.
but - oh well, whatever it was - it's over.
and i'm feeling alot better about it.
what to say to people who let you down - fuck it!!
i've got a life to live man!
i won't walk alone - cos i have Jesus by my side.
still thinking if i should go for the CLEO party!
manzz!! and next week i'm going to recce
gotham penthouse!! melvin was recommending
it... saying it's happening and stuff.
maybe i'll ask someone to go... waha!!
must must go try!! and if it's good - that's it man!
the whole of my bday celebration will be @ clarke quay!
hahaa!!

okok - time to zzzzzzzzz.....
if not tmr cannot wake up!!!
ciao!

la la la!!! i really wonder how my test will
be... *sigh*
next stop.. econs!!! urgh!!
sijia still has her finance tmr. oh man!
and i need to complete 2 projects by sunday....
HUH!! how huh?

anyway, i've just realise one thing today.
my boyfriend actually doesn't really know me very
well. hahaha!!!
cos even though im SO gu niangzzz on the surface,
i really love sports. well, SOME la.
and esp NETBALL! i love badminton too!
and i'm dying to try wake boarding!
cham hweeeee!!!! what happened to our plans?
died down the drain!??? hahah!!
ya la! even planned with hwee to go batam to
wakeboard! haha! madness right.
i mean... ya.. i may hate the sun but...
aiya... there's more to me la. haa!!
(i think) hahaha!!

anyway, i've finally decided on my birthday dinner
place!!!! it's gonna be...................
BAIZE CHINA ONE!!!
hahaha!! ok wait - i havent gone there -
but i trust CLEO man! hahha!!
i tried their recommendations b4!
but i wanna go recce this place b4 my bday la!
but some stupid jackson just doesn't wanna go
with me la! shesssh!!!
he's DAMN GOOD LA!!
nvm.... i ask someone else go recce with me!!
anyway, CLEO was saying the emperor's rump, dynasty
delight and grand slam lamb's nice! hahaha!!
sounds weird right. hahah!!
hopefully will be nic ela!
the dynasty delight is nice!! hahah!
it's actually beer battered dory. haha!!
i think it's gonna be quite nice.
hhahah!!
think i'll go like after my ULCER recovers.
shessh!! i cant even eat anything gd now la!!
for lunch... i couldn't even eat my rice!
i was so pissed that it killed my appetite!
i ate 3 spoons of rice... and that was it. haha!
waste my money! shld have just drank soup lor!!!
i can't open my mouth too big - can't do too much
chewing. shessh!! eat what la like that!!!!
angry!!!!

ok la! time to continue studying alrdy.
tataz!!!
people.... please pray for my ulcer to recover FAST!!!
i'm dying!!!!

to angel:
i dunno why but i'm attracted to 'small' people.
wahaha!!! weird - but true!
eventhough i know tall guys are WOW - but...
oh well! hahaha!
and i think howard's quite cute la.
wolfgang's also cute... but... not for me la. haha!
probably eye candy kinda guy. haha!!

u g l y s i n g a p o r e a n s.

shessh!! two days in a row in the MRT and i feel
disgusted just looking at Singaporeans!
okok - that's a statement too strong.
hahaha!!
well, SOME just really disgust me.

1. 13th sept 2005

venue: MRT (red line) going to shoby ghaut
time: morning
situation: very crowded. (morning right!!)

start.....
as you know it's crowded - so people accidentally step on
one another or hit one another. normal right.
so this woman behind me, accidentally hit this uncle
twice. the second time the woman hit the uncle, she said sorry.
and this was his reply.

"OEI! 2nd time already leh."

i thought: KAOZ!!!!
ok, it was VERY loud ok!
i mean just imagine.... the train's so quite in the morning -
other than the natural noise the train makes la. heh.
then this uncle - between abt 30-40 years old - with a loud
voice saying OEI!!
ya la!
ok, let me continue.

woman1: i said sorry already right?

rude uncle: i hit you twice then i say sorry you want or not?

woman1: it's so crowded what - not that i purposely wanted to
knock on to you right!

rude uncle: you keep hitting me you think i happy ah! i hit you
then you tell me how you feel la.

THEN - a second woman comes into the picture.

woman2: eh! she say sorry already what do you want from her?

rude uncle: eh! what business of yours is it ah!?

woman2: i see you bully her i bu shuang ah! how can you bully
a woman. she say sorry already what!

rude uncle: eh! your problem ah! mind your own business can!
i not happy she keep hitting me your problem ah!

woman2: cannot see so crowded ah! you don't want pple to hit
you, you sit taxi la!

uncle: i want to take mrt leh! cannot ah!

OK LA - it goes on and on and on la! i don't even know if they
were still at it after i left at dhoby ghaut. haha!!

the funny part is that - woman1 was like ....
"why you need to shout so loud? you think i scared of you ah?"
hahaha!! funny la!!!

My thoughts:

STUPID ARGUEMENT!
but yes - it started from that damn right irritating rude uncle
la!!! COME ON!!! it's a super crowded train man!
how can u avoid hitting each other! shessh!
not like she PURPOSELY wanna hit you. not even attractive la!
and he couldn't even silently swallow his remarks after the
woman said sorry. shessh!!!
UGLY SINGAPOREAN.
shouting at a woman in public - just shows how petty that uncle
is. squabbling with 2 woman in the train just cos the lady
accidentally hit him. shessh!!!!!
and ya - squabble with woman 1 was in chinese while squabble
with woman 2 was in hokkien. ahha!
woman 2 sounded very pai kia la! really man! hokkien some more!
hahaha!

haiz - quite an interesting ride down to work man!
hahaha!

anyway - the 2nd situation isn't entertaining la.

it was just a situation today where i was going home -
and i saw this really pregnant lady standing.
HUHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and she was just like right in front of occupied seats - which
were not occupied by senior citizens or smthng la!!!
COME ON!!!
and hse was carrying mooncake and her bag and another
paperbag la. and she was REALLY PREGNANT + carrying
lotsa bags! shessh!!
and no one stood up for her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HUHHHHHHHHH!!!
later on - this lady finally stood up after reading her magazine.
SHESSH!!!
i really pity her man... *sigh*
is it retribution?? hehehe.
maybe she did the same thing when she was younger?
hehehe. just a wild guess. hehe.

ok la - i gotta go back to studying.... CIAO!!!

today's the... 14th of september.
at work at the moment.
taking a break from ALL the emails im
supposed to send.
*sigh*

actually quite tiring eh.
but at least it beats doing nothing.
quite enjoying it la.
just that i hate the sleepy parts i get for
a few mins after lunch.
other than that... ok la.
seriously... cannot always sit on my chair..
or my butt will get fat man!

sigh. i'm suffering.
suffereing since i woke up!!!
my mouth aches!!!
i couldn't even finish the tau huay i bought
for breakfast!!
shessh! and that's already like... SO SOFT!!
talking is a chore.
swallowing my saliva is a chore.
eating is a chore.
opening my mouth is a chore!!!
URGH!!

skipping class today.
going back to study for econs...
scared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
still got econs project to finish.
shessh!
i wanna clear it!!
but i got SM project to clear too!!
urgh!!
i'm disintegrating man!
i wish i could just stop work.
i mean.. i'm working just like 2 days a week
cos of my tests and projects! shessh!
whats the point right?
haiz.
working's ok - just not the right time la now.

okok!!!
back to work!!
ciao!

pepper lunch...

had dinner @ pepper lunch TAKA with
jiajia for dinner. well well.... it wasn't that GREAT.....
it was so so only la.
paid $9.50 for my curry beef meal.
i think i'd rather pay for my
la mian - $7 and xiao long bao - $3.20 @
cyrstal jade!!!!! hahaha!
i mean ya... pepepr lunch is something new -
just not as great as it SHOULD be. cos there isn't
much TASTE to the food. really!!
mine tasted alot like sijia's when we ate 2 different
stuff. wierd.
maybe need to try the other stuff la huh... hee.
but.... yea. i'd rather have crystal jade or probably
burger @ Carls Jr. with that price.
HAHAHAH!!!

Rating: 2/5

la la la...
got home not long ago from my project meeting.
*yawn*
fell asleep on the train on the way home.
well, i guess i was really very tired.
feel tired too.
then tmr morning still need to wake up SUPER
early..... haiz.

anyway, i was really thinking about how i'm
gonna spend my birthday... haha!
seriously... i don't know.
so far i've heard about 2 chalets going on...
and then.... ya...
i don't want a chalet! hahah!
i'd rather a hotel la!! haiz.
then... i dunno what i'm gonna do also.
sijia was asking me where i wanna go...
and i'm totally clueless. gotta think of places where
the guys can go in also. haiz. i wanna go new asia.....
but how.... hahaha!!
cos oh well, that's the only place i can think of where
it's cool, not too chilly - not too clubbish.
BUT... hmm... with the amount of pple on my "guest list"...
i think ....... clubbing would be the best.
like... imagine 14 pple.... drinking and chatting?
hard la hard. ok mun..... change of plans! hahaha!
ssssssoooooooooooniiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*LOL*

wishlist.....
hmmm........
this would probably do...
let me start.. haha!

1. ipodnano
2. a new watch (somethng diff frm what i have now)
3. a cross pendant + chain
4. $$$ to buy more shoes, bags and birks!!!
5. my boyfriend to love, listen and spoil me more *sigh*
(who knows black magic???? LOL)


think it should be enuf right. i dun have SO many
friends ma. ahahahha!!
ok la, not a VERY expensive wishlist right?
hahaha!!
just one priceless - miracle waiting gift. ahhaha!!
now, i just wish i'd know what i can do for my bday...
*sigh*
hehehe.

haiz. i'm feeling super exhausted now.
dunno why also.....
like very drained. haha!
probably iron my clothes for tmr then zzzzzzzzzzz...................
nighty night peepz!

good morning peepz....
it's a sunday already...
so sad that the weekend's gonna be over...
that means i can't see him till the next weekend
again... =( *sobs*

anywayz, at his place now..
and i gotta go for project meeting later...
aiks! on a sunday! hahaha!
then gotta study for my econs test next!
shessh!! more tests!!!
the law test that day....
was...
haiz. dunno how to say - confident in a certain way -
yet i might be wrong. *crosses finger*
really pray i get it right. don't wanna get a zero for
writing the wrong case.

after law test on friday, went to eat tau huay
with jack, clarence and sijia.
then after that went to mind cafe and play CHEEZ GEEK!
yes yes yes, i religiously play that game!!
hahaha!! it's really quite fun la i think.
next time i wanna play monopoly man! hahah!
or some other $$$$ game. hahha!
think that place is a really good hang out for friends
man. you can talk and play and really enjoy!
you guys should check it out man! hahaha!

Mind Cafe @ Prinsep Street.
Shop houses near Mr Beans Cafe
Above the previous poolitix.

hehehe. advretising thru W.O.M
hahaha! i even got their membership card la!
hahaha! had to pay 10 bucks for it though.
hehe. but nvm la. it's really quite a cool place
where u can bring ur frens. i must go bring
sonia there one day.
haven't gone out with SONIA for EONS man!!!
then i can go get my necklace...
and also shoes!!
hahaha!!
but the thin is that now busy with work on
weekdays.. then gotta do project...
then gotta sleep early if not i'll be tired @ work the next day...
haiz.

work's so diff from sch to me.
i can sleep late and wake up for sch early the next
day but not for work man!
if i slp late and go to work the next day...
i'd probably have a bad day at work man!
and if i start making slping late and waking up early
for work a habit..... i'd probably fall sick. haha!
shessh!!

watched Perfect Catch last night with Jack.
i think it's really quite a nice show.
lovey dovey show la huh...
but ya la.. it's about how u learn to grow in a relationship..
about sacrifices both people have to make..
and about giving.
yea... =)
so nice hor.. just the right show for me to learn from.
wahahaha!!!
haiz... not really many nice shows now...
the other next show i haven't watched is The Cave.
some lame-o show la.
looks quite crapp la.. with the big creature and all.
ok la... the only thing left is to watch The Longest Yard
lor... any takers??
hahaha!

Jack just gave me some esprit incense. haha!!
very nice smelling!
nicer compared to the others that i have leh...
think i should go buy esprit incense next time.. hahaha!
it's so niceee!!!!
but i think epensive.. haha!

okok!
think i gotta gooooooooooo....
ciao!!