to my dear hwee hwee.......

hmmm.. in a way i did regret.
and yes... am still very sad about the whole
thing. i mean i'm not saying that it's not
his fault la.... but of course, i'm also
at fault too....
and there are things that he said that's
quite true la and it's hard not to ponder.
i mean you know what it was like in the
past right. i was usually "pampered" by
my previous ones...
and bla bla bla la huh.....
and maybe you know, life just isn't all that.
it's either that - or ..... i just haven't met my
guy la.
but it made me think - in a r/s it's supposed
to be giving and taking - but how much have i
given and taken? you know... stuff like that.....
hai. eh! very saddening la this post!!!
cannot like that la!!!! haa!!
i know you want me to move on la..
i will when the time's right ok....
you may think it's not worth it - and well,
afew people are on your side la...but..
you know me la.... haha! abit hard to budge.
hahaha!
like i told u - it's not as easy as TALK.
you should know right.... yes yes...

22nd Sept.

waa... julian hee madness man! haa!
saw him on the 8pm show and on the 9 pm
show! woohooooo!!!
he's super CUTEEEEEEE!!!!!
*faint*
he's acting as a retard on the 9pm show,
but he still looks good la.
super suhhhweeeett!!

*sigh* two projects to complete by sat.
hopefully one can be completed on sunday man.
feel like going gotham tmr man!
urghhh... haha!
if only i can take off to do project tmr...
but alrdy took off to complete 1 today. shessh!
stupid work!
it's coming in between my projs! hahaha!
one more week and i'm done man!
then it's revising for the exams man!!!!
woooo!!!
NUS here we come! haha!
me and sijia decided that NUS is a condusive plce
to study.. haa! i mean seriously la. haa! it beats home
and alot of other places la. haa!
then can ask hwee and vince too!
anyway, hwee - i think i can make it
down to NUS next week. won't be working
already la.
so.... OKOK! plan plan ok!
can go study alrdy.
haiz... i have intensive class next weekend.
what a way to start the 1st and 2nd october! haha!
hopefully sales mgmt intensive would be as interesting
as the local lecturer la.
haiz - i think i SCREWED up my sales mgmt project.
i think i didn't do it in a VERY detailed form.
think i missed out certain parts to include man!!!
SHESSH!!!
angry! how could i!!!!!! URGH!!!!! rush la rush!
rush work always ain't good man!

actually i still don't know what to do for my bday.
i have yet to recce the places for dinner and for
after dinner. all of a sudden the birthday celebrating
just ain't very enticing.
but oh well - has to go on. and the BBQ.......
aiyo.... i pray i have the "energy" for all of it man....
maybe the BBQ's gotta go.. cos jia ain't free in the day!
maybe just night time with the rest! haha!
i just pray october will be a better month for me -
and for everyone else of course.
september quite sucked and luckily - it's coming to
an end!!!

still contemplating if i should go for my practicals man
when my internship ends man!
i wanna learn manual man!
i think i don't wanna be like a gu niang man!
cannot drive manual! haha!!
give it a shot la!!! what the heck!!!
and pray i'll get used to manual man!
hahaha!
but...... i have exams.... =(
urk!
nvm. i'll do it next semester.
cos then... i'll only have 2 subjects!
but i'm gonna do accounting next sem!!!
DIE LA!!!!!!!!
confirm die!
i'm SOOO not an accounting person.
never touched it ONCE in my life...
for like... few weeks.. and i NEVER
wanna touch it ever!!! haha! but now......
core subject la... no choice. haa!
hopefully allen can guide me thru my
accounts. haha! hopefully he knows also la!! haha!

okok - think i better continue with
my SM project man!!
ciao people!

have i been looking only in the mirror,
at the image of myself,
my needs,
my wants.

why do we realise,
only when nothing can be done.

why must pain inflict us,
when we never thought it would.

why do we only learn,
when pierced with pain.

why do we learn,
when it won't bring back anything.

why is it all too late?

if given a second chance,
i'd start over.
i'd try and be a person i never was.
i'd pray for understanding,
and i'd look in the mirror,
this time,
with two people in it,
and not one.

K e l l y C l a r k s o n
"Because of You"
(this song is simply so lovely...........*sob*)

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

i'm touched by hwee's post for me... =)

i've really gotta agree. friends that are actually
"real" to you are those made in sec school / JC.
pple in uni or whatsoever, lots of them make use
of each other just for companion, actually for fun
to last their uni life.
so how deep does the word "brother" go??
how deep does the word "besties" go??
i know lotsa pretentious friends that are so....
brother brother with each other but end up bailing
out on each other or probably just drift after school
ends kind....
and i know of some girls who are like that too...
like what you say - maybe they're in it for popularity,
for attention and whatsoever.
but - for me. i'm a "safe" person. i'd rather hang with my
true bestie than go ard making fake-o friends.
it's too much of a roller coaster or a bitchy life for me.
well, unless if you're really quite forced to be in a
situation like that la.
i'm pretty or rather very happy with my close friends
now.
i'd rather 3-5 close friends rather than many many acquaitances.
the more you'll face being made use of i think. haa!
for the goodie friends - it's more of a .....
i know how you are and you know how i am.
we try to accomodate each other, we squabble, we gossip,
and we still have loadsa fun. it's a LOVE HATE relationship man!
hee....
which i think's good. =)

anyway, about the person i was referring to....
i'm sure you know who he is la.
probably only one connector.
haa! i'll catch up with u on the details the
next time we meet okays dearie!

love you and all my other dearies! hee.

i can't stand it how you still have to go on
and continue your day when deep inside,
you actually feel empty, lost and just don't
know how you're gonna begin your day.

i blame myself.
for all that has happened.
well, maybe not wholly, but of course, part of
it. i did get some of my answers,
i did get probably half of my heart settled,
but some stuff just get choked within.
i just didn't know how to rebut,
i just didn't know how to relay,
i just didn't know how to ask.
it happens.
i like it when i get angry - and start thinking.
cos then, i know what i want. i know what
i wanna ask. i just know. but it gets different
when you think with ur heart and not your head.
HWEE!!! =(
i get so many different comments from so many
people - and it just makes me think more.
that what makes me think and the feeling just rolls
back in again.
but whatever it was, i'm happy that yesterday happened.
i probably needed it.

i just feel scared.
scared of losing someone so dear to me.

ok guys - READ THIS!!!!
please do not make racists remarks
that can be "traced"...
cos you know why, 2 people have been
charged for making racist remarks on the net.
yes - one was thru' blogging. OMG.
dangerous!
was on the ST on tuesday, 13th sept.

and it was just a case of "dogs".
cause this malay woman wrote in to the ST
regarding if dogs uncaged could be let out in taxis.
cos u know.. malays can't touch dogs and
etc....
so 2 days after the published letter -
one of the 2 guys remarked on www.doggiesite.com
abt the article and his postings had "a seditious
tendency to promote feelings of ill will and hostility
between different classes of the population in Spore.
And he also criticized aspects of the islamic law.

another guy, made racist comments on HIS BLOG
and also went to the forum on the website above and
made postings tt had vulgarities and insult to the religion.

They each now are out on $10 000 bail each.
Cases will be mentioned on 21st sept.

-----------

i'm really quite interested in this - cos it's a first
case of tis kind man! seriously!!
and it'll be a learning lesson....... hee.
if you get what i mean.
so yes yes... alert!!!!!
people are watching eh......
esp on public blogs.

good morning peepz...
brand new day! sept 20th!!
rise and shine.. haa!
but it's kinda like 1130 alrdy.
abit late ah!
wanted to wake up even earlier to
continue studying... but i kinda went out
for supper when i was just about to sleep.
*yawn* but ok la, i needed it.
i was feeling hungry... cos i didnt eat dinner!!!
yeappp....

been thinking and talking...and..
no conclusion.. just lotsa commentaries.
i dun get why others don't see it the
way i do - i think i'm partly to blame for
it. while they don't.
cos his desperation probably lead to lying.
cos probably i was being selfish B4?
you don't think so??
ok nvm, i'm probably just keen to find
out the why's behind it. i'm just like that i suppose.
when i know something i wanna find out
every single shit about it man!
no matter how much it hurts, i just want
it out of you!!! and then.... the rest of the
feelings i will settle it by myself...
haha!! that's the way i am.
found it was just too abrupt, like no start no end,
or shld i say quick start quick end??
worse right!!
yea.. tt's how i feel and that's probably the reason
why i'm searching for so many answers to
let my hanging soul settle down.
hahaha!
but it seems no one agrees with me.
or rather... few.
ok, i agree with the reasons they give me,
cos they've occurred to me too.
probably i need to talk to him to settle this
bad blood. hurrr..... abit tough ah....
haa! *keep the tissues coming*
hahaha!! it happens la.
super emo girl here!!! *waves*

if you happen to read this - let me know if
you wanna talk ok. cos i think you owe me
one too. i'm sure you know who you are.

seems like im giving him a choice, yet,
i'm not!! haa!
anywayzzz....
i didn't have a good sleep.
i woke up at 3+ and 4+ and at 6am...
i felt like i never slept!
shessh!! seriously.... i felt like during the
whole time i was "sleeping"..... lotsa
things were going thru my head!!!
for real!!!!!
maybe it was bcos of my prayer b4 i went
to sleep?? haha!
but seriously.... lotsa stuff were running thru
my head - but of course, i can't remember any!
i felt exhausted sleeping! haa!
imagine that!
but, at 6am, i just sat there - and said my prayer
again - and this time, i slept like a baby -
till my alarm ranggggggggggggggggggg.....
LOL!!!
i felt good after saying what i said at 6am.
i really did!! i felt it gave me so much encouragement,
that i even slept with a sound mind. =)

ok la, i gotta continue with my revision man!
clock's ticking!
ciao!

words from my bestie....

It is so easy to let our relationship with the
Lord be overly influenced by the behavior
and experiences of others.
But we must not be concerned with what God
has planned for anyone else.
Through the conflicting voices that surround us,
we must keep hearing the Savior's clear command:
"You follow Me."

my dear sijia -
gave me mooncake with white chocolate in the middle
to cheer my up! hehe =P
a real sweetie pie!
thanks girl! i really appreciate it =)
she noes my comfort food - she knows wat i like....
hahaha!
she's funny!

some people, despite their nice outlooks,
and pretentious nice intentions,
are s i m p l y selfish.
i don't care if i've wronged you,
but these are my thoughts of you.
i hate people who advice,
when they've never been in the situation b4.
like what i told miss hwee before she got attached.
you'll never understand how i'd feel unless you're in it.
and yes - of course! i'm correct!
she finally gets why i'm always in a dilemma.
and YOU! don't act mr wiseguy.
i wish i could like curse you but....
never mind. karma.
haa! evil me evil me. i'm sure you'll get your desserts
one day. and i'm speaking about this in general.
you should really learn a lesson from all you've done.
why i'm calling you selfish?
you think about it yourself.
i don't care about our friendship -
cos i guess there was never a real one to begin with.
and there isn't anymore left of it.
how superficial.

both are to blame - but i felt you did me injustice
as friends. as what you "told" me before.
i've never realise how shitty you are till now.
and even after someone told me how no-good you were,
i still somewhat assured her.
ya la - maybe she saw.. and i was blind..
blinded by ur "good friendship".
shessh.
i really can't imagine someone never in a r/s B4,
giving someone IN one, ADVICE??
shessh! u won't know the full meaning of emphaty!
well, like some may say - you're a mr nice guy - up to no good.
you can't even answer me properly -
can't even rebut me.
you're a coward that hides when asked.
you're a weakling that just runs from reality.
you're just a loser!!
pierced yet?

Mariah Carey - Love Takes Time
(Mariah Carey just sings the best songs.......)


I had it all
But I let it slip away
Couldn’t see that I treated you wrong
Now I wander around
Feeling down and cold
Trying to believe that you’re gone

Love takes time
To heal when you’re hurting so much
Couldn’t see that I was blind
To let you go
I can’t escape the pain Inside
Love takes time
I don’t want to be here alone

Losing my mind
From this hollow in my heart
Suddenly I’m so incomplete
Lord I’m needing you now
Tell me how to stop the rain
Tears are falling down endlessly

You might say that it’s over
You might say that you don’t care
You might say you don’t miss me
You don’t need me
But I know that you do and I feel that you do
Inside

Love takes time
To heal when you’re hurting so much
Couldn’t see that I was blind
To let you go
I can’t escape the pain Inside
Love takes time
I don’t want to be here alone

i can't get to sleep again.
dunno whats wrong with me these days.
it's 3++am and i'm still here...
blogging... surfing.. watching TV.
some times i dunno what i'm thinking off
man!
i guess i'm subconsciously thinking about some
stuff. like u're physically shut - but ur brain is
just doing alot of work up there.
"knock knock!!! no need to slp ah u!!!"
hehe.
why oh why.

anyway, i can't wait for my birks to come. haiz -
wonder when it'll come man!

this stupid clarence just sent me a song......
NB Ridaz Feat Angelina - Notice Me
kaoz! must you mr clarence!
sijia - you must just box him la!

it's 1mth to the day! haa!
haiz. sonia was just asking me abt some
stuff just now - i wonder how her planning's
going on......
part of my bday's kinda ruined alrdy.
yea, though it isn't here yet - it's just
partly ruined. *$&*^@&#@*#!(@*#()!*#()!@!!!!!
hehehe. understand that????
hahaha!! #^^$^#@(&$*#@*^#@%@#(#@()
URGH!!
anyway, i think i really need to think of a place to go
la.... nvmnvm, i'll wait for next week to recce
gotham penthouse. haa!
if not.... momo lor..... then i'll force that josh
to go get me a get list!! hahaha! force force force!!!
but sonia.. quite ok right.
membership 3 bottles - we share.. pay abit more than
200 and u pay the rest... and we seperate the bottles...
quite ok what hor. hahaha!!
see how la HOR!

ok la, i better go try and sleep....
or i'll never get to sleep.
i'm going to God's house tmr.
i need to seek for forgiveness.
seek for answers, seek for comfort....
Oh Lord.....

gdnite....

mp3 spinning : Boa - Waiting


Lords of Dogtown

nothing like you typical hollywood block buster.
a story of skaters and their life.
how some made it big, how they split, how they
got back together. well, it was alright la huh.
wasn't very bad or something.
a different light to all the movies i usually see.
guys ain't that cute - but lookable la! haa!

rating: 2.5/5


(so many other movies i wanna watch!
and i must catch deuce bigalow! haa!)